What I Do
I procrastinate. I vacillate. I prevaricate. I look up the thesaurus on my computer when I use lots of words:
Vacillate- hesitate, be indecisive, think twice, fluctuate, swing back and forth
Prevaricate – evade, hedge, beat around the bush, quibble, stall, put off, dither, dissemble, get out of telling the truth,
Dither – agitated or indecisive state, hesitate, dawdle, waste time, vacillate, Hem and haw, waver, shilly-shally
Waver – fluctuate between possibilities, begin to change opinion, move in different directions, flicker,
Falter – stagger, weaken, fade, tail off, lose confidence, stumble, speak or act hesitantly, pause, wane, abate, become fainter
Abate – decrease, subside, grow less, decline, fade away, become less, end, reduce something, fail, stop, halt, end, terminate
Obsess- preoccupy, grip, consume, fixate, possess, be preoccupied, never stop thinking about something
Compelled – force something to happen, obliged, forced, obligated, duty-bound, required, constrained (not free)
Obliterate- destroy utterly, erase or obscure, destroy, demolish, eliminate, eradicate, annihilate, reduce to nothing
Relay – communicate, pass on, transmit, spread, convey, impart, dispatch, send, passing of something to somebody, retransmit signal.
In my own words, I tend to “should” on myself as I vacillate between wanting to publish and not wanting to do all the work. I put off deciding which project to pursue. I waste time by fluctuating between possibilities. I stop doing anything and start obsessing about what needs to get done. I get compelled to focus on one specific idea that obscures everything else I need to get done. Then I swing back and forth between wanting to write, be with my grandchildren, have a peaceful life or save the world, and then go back to vacillating, wavering, faltering, and dithering.
I dither quite a bit. Love that word.
Ditz also comes to mind.
I’m blond. By choice. Gray, I think, by nature by now. But there is something about the dithering and ditziness that makes my daughters worry if I am bipolar (like my Dad), or just getting demented.
Apple. Table. Penny. Those are the three words I repeat to them every so often in a tacit pact to relay my mental stability. Or lack thereof.
I love the Thesaurus
I’ve used it for decades. When I wrote papers in high school, I knew there were better words than the few I was using. I would underline the repetitive phrasing and look up other words to describe my ideas.
I would read the section in Reader’s Digest (left in the bathroom) on “Word Power Made Easy,” or whatever it was called. I have a pretty good vocabulary, which I often use, even as I wonder if I’ve chosen a word that someone does not understand.
My friend Mike, who often does not know the word I am using, suggests that everyone should speak in sentences that anyone would understand. I find it slightly insulting to my listener if I find myself trying to think of an “easier” word when I’m speaking. I’d rather they ask me what the words means than to avoid using it.
My friend and editor Judy says to use simple language that everyone will get. Since this book is for me, I’ll write it as I feel it, and I’ll use my Thesaurus Tool in Apple to support my erudition.
Erudition – sophistication, learning, scholarship, education, intellect
Education – teaching, learning, schooling, tutoring, instruction, edification, learning experience, study of teaching, knowledge
I often use a word that vaguely feels familiar, and then I look if up and learn what it means.
Maybe I learned it in another lifetime. Booga Booga.