Dread

I fill my head with thoughts of dread
in all I need resolved.
Whatever play or work that day
the dread is still involved.

The coming year is filled with fear
of debt and isolation.
It’s mainly dread I find instead
of joy in my vacation.

I did not dread through cancer.
I was grateful and serene.
This living without cancer
takes me back to being mean.

I judge myself so harshly,
for goals I have not met.
I “should” myself each day and night
with longing and regret.

“I’m all alone, I’m losing funds
There’s so much I must do.”
More goals to beat, Someone to meet,
Not knowing when or who.

But first I change the dread to faith
the fear to love right now.
No longer will I worry about
the who, the when, the how.

It’s all in God’s hands anyway.
I do not need to know.
I’ll hold on to the hope and joy
The dread I will let go.

With God’s help.

Goodbye to DREAD, Farewell.- A Love Note from My Inner Wise Self

Dearest DREAD,

I see you, My Dear. I see how you are trying to protect Little Linda from the overwhelm that has been her life – in this and prior lifetimes.

I see all of the times and ways she has had to step forward to take care of so many, when so few were there to take care of her. Many loved her, and appreciated her, but they couldn’t really rise to the occasions of keeping her safe in this world.

I see how you, Dear Dread, keep her forewarned and fore-armed, not to over-do again and again. Not to take on too much or too many, and to stay safe, alone but safe, in her bed.

What are you afraid, Dear Dread, will happen to her if you don’t work so hard?

What are your concerns if you just let her “Be”?

Are you worried that all of her people-pleasing, care-taking, codependent parts will take over – again, and she’ll end up enervated, bleeding and depressed?

Maybe all of the above.

But I’m here with her now, Dearest Dread, and I will help her discern what is in HER best interests in the moment to moment presence of her life.

I will keep her safe from overwhelm and overdone.
I will keep her comfortable even in a crowd.
I will help her navigate the sensory overload in ways that she can be at peace.

Is there something else you can do, Dear Dread, besides dreading?

Anyway you can align yourself with us and help her see the good in all things?

….the endless possibilities for connection and fun
….the limitless joy from new experiences
….the infinite fulfillment in helping people grow and share and connect

Can you remind us that there is NOTHING to DREAD, only everything to LOVE?

You’ll actually be more helpful and have more fun.

I know how hard you’ve worked to keep her playing small.
I see how much you confine her to her bed and tv so that she is not over-extended.
I understand that you have seen her be hurt many times in relationships.

But the world is abundant, and so is the possibility of peace, love and joy!

So, let’s make a deal, Dread. Let’s work together. You can join our Board of Directors and weigh in on when something feels too much, too risky or too burdensome.

We will listen and discern what is real and what is a knee-jerk reaction to stress.

You were so wonderful at staying calm during cancer. You didn’t raise your head once, and because of that, Linda is “without evidence of disease.”

So now, let’s keep her from having “dis-ease” and make things easy for her from this point forward.

Let’s help her BE present and remember how lovable she is, without needing to say a thing.
Let’s remind her that she has enough already and there is nothing she “has” to do.
Let’s keep her active and involved and energized and having fun.
Let’s help her let go of worry, and embrace more faith, hope and trust.

We can do this.
You can help!
So, Dearest Dread, are you in?
I hope so.
I’m here for you too.
Now and always.
IWS